napoleonborn2parteh

tessaviolet:

bekah-bo0m:

broccoleafveins:

Ye olde Windows screen savers.

I FEEL OLD

childhood video games

trust:

"all girls dress the same"

trust:

"all girls dress the same"

Cast of "Lewis MacLeod is Not Himself" - Knock, knock. Who's There? Benedict Cumberbatch
16,950 plays

mollydobby:

An Attempt to Eff the Ineffable - Transcript of “Knock, knock. Who’s There? Benedict Cumberbatch.” from BBC comedy sketch show “Lewis Macleod is Not Himself ” S1E01  (x)

It does a great job with imitating Benedict’s and Martin’s voice and delivery - and its observations are hilariously absurd yet not untrue at the same time. 

“Benedict”: Morning, Tim! Tim Bowler, Timbory-Tim, Timbory, Tim, Timbory Tim, Timboree! What are you doing?

“Martin”: Oh, er, you know, I’m just, you know, er … gazing despairingly at the camera like a perplexed hamster, as is my duty as the put-upon everyman character.

“Benedict”: Well, well, you know, just to whisper in your shell-like [?] *laughs raucously* - the new guy starts today. I said you could show him the ropes.

“Martin”: Fine, er … when’s he coming?

“Benedict”: [Sherlock voice] I’ve been observing you from the reception area for the last half an hour. That is to say, I’m already here. Don’t feel bad for not noticing me sooner. When I stand very still and don’t speak, I can easily be mistaken for an incredibly ornate and attractive hat stand. The kind you find in an antique shop that doesn’t have any price tags. Don’t touch - you can’t afford. Hello.

“Martin”: Good … er … yeah, good gracious. Erm, what are you?

“Benedict”: My name is long and ridiculous, like my face. They call me Benedict Cumberbatch.

*fairy tale harp chords* [medieval choral chant] Ben-ne-dict Cum-ber-baaatch!

“Benedict”: Don’t worry, that always happens.

“Martin”: Uh, OK, right, yeah. Um, OK, well, so, let’s give you the tour. Well, we’ve got, you know, the photocopier here …

“Benedict”: Pish, posh, and Duchy biscuits. You don’t think I actually care about your tedious office, do you?

“Martin”: Well, no, but I sort of imagined you’re here because -

“Benedict”: Oh, you beautifully obtuse little turnip of a man. I’m here because after Sherlock and the Hobbit, I’m now contractually obliged to appear in everything you ever do, shall do, have done, have so much as considered doing – don’t you understand, we go together like bangers and mash, like cream tea and scones, like a put-upon everyman character actor and a big posh flamboyant manic pixie dream boy with cheekbones you could balance a BAFTA on.

Is it a man? Is it several hyper-intelligent cats sitting on one another’s shoulders wearing a latex man-suit? Or is it an incredibly sexy horse that’s learned to walk on its hind legs and talk very very very fast?

“Martin”: Um … sorry, could you repeat all that please?

“Benedict”: No time, get down with me beneath the stairs.

“Martin”: Why? Is there someone going to try to kill us or something? Or …

“Benedict”: [dramatic low voice] No, we just need to get uncomfortably close to one other and gaze homoerotically into each other’s eyes. Can you feel the tension? Can you? Can you … do you want to give me a little kiss? Oh you mustn’t - I’m an alabaster Adonis, don’t touch me!

“Martin”:  Um, yeah, OK.  Erm, bit weird, er … but still, less annoying than that Gervais guy. Erm, look, erm … how much longer is this going to go on for?

“Benedict”: For the rest of your life.

“Martin”:  What?

“Benedict”: Now, if you don’t mind, I have to exit dramatically through a window or something, for no reason other than it looks fantastic. Goodbye for now, put-upon everyman character actor. Remember my name.

“Martin”: *sighs* Ahhhh - I’ll never forget you, Bumblebee Cuttlefish! 

pocketmoony:

This made me laugh so hard!

unclefather:

A bee can become drunk from fermented nectar and other bees will punish it by chewing off its legs.

"Hey, Pete is drunk again lets chew his legs off"

weloveshortvideos:

Cat quacks when his owner coughs

kireinahana:

spoken-not-written:

stunningpicture:

When radiologists take a selfie

dead

Wait I’ve seen this

kireinahana:

spoken-not-written:

stunningpicture:

When radiologists take a selfie

dead

Wait I’ve seen this

kireinahana:

thirp:

I don’t know why but this looks to me like I’m on an operation table receiving surgery from cats

Nevermind this is it

kireinahana:

thirp:

I don’t know why but this looks to me like I’m on an operation table receiving surgery from cats

Nevermind this is it

thecutestofthecute:

jaclcfrost:

i hope that, wherever my hair ties go, they’re happy. that’s all that matters

image

usbdongle:

feeling insecure because you don’t think a fictional character would find you attractive

image

gerard-you-little-shit:

superherotimelorddetective:

choc-o-late:

est-offensa-et-mirari:

deppsydoodle:

deppsydoodle:

why is peter pan always flying?

he neverlands

I love this joke because it never grows old

It has a nice hook.

This doesn’t make sense. I’m lost, boys

MAYBE THIS IS WHY TINKERBELL IS ALWAYS FUCKIN PISSED OFF

ktshy:

faitherinhicks:

phobs-heh:

isthistakenalready:

Aoi Honoo is Too Real

Me at job. 

my editor sent me this and was like “it’s you!”

… yes. :F

I am enjoying the heck out of “Blue Blazes